This will be a post that I will be using as a diary.. No one knows of this place and it means I can speak my mind without anyone finding out about it. It will also be a post of my general thoughts that I never speak. Starting tomorrow I will be recording my diary. Can't keep all these thoughts in my head anymore, they need to be let out.

Thoughts:

I suppose, my main thoughts stem from: "What is wrong with me?". My life is crumbling apart around me.. Every step I take to try and sort my life, I end up making things worse, stepping further away from what I want or causing another problem with something that was fine. I am out of people to talk to about things or the people I would talk to have left or just don't understand what I am talking about because they have never had to deal with something like this. I have come to the point where I am talking to myself.. Writing things down, reading them later and giving myself some advice. I can't sort things if I have so many questions without answers.. I have always been a person that if something goes wrong I need to know exactly went wrong so I can fix it or learn from it. However, I can't get the answers without hurting others. The main thing is, why did it get so far along before it was apparent that there was a problem? Why wasn't there a sign> Why did no one say anything? How long had people been going on without love? I know I never lost love, I just didn't show it very well.. Why did no one want to fight to fix things.. Regardless.. I made a list of changes and I intend to make sure I complete them.. A few eeks after the breakup.. I was at the place of her work.. I was going to try and talk to her, I walked right by her, I was so scared :( I couldn't say what I wanted to say. What hurt the most was, she looked at me then looked away, not a word nothing.A year and a half just meant nothing.. not even a hello, just blankness :(

Diary Entry 21/7/2013 -

Today was a fairly boring day.. Did a few chores, sat about watching TV. Then went to Derek's and had a barbecue. Literally all to it :(

Diary:

Well, so far its not a good day, applied for 18 different jobs at Asda Cheeser, Leith, Glasgow..etc.. And all of them were all declined at the same time this morning :( Why? I made sure I couldn't have failed the questionnaire thing. Hmmmmmmmmm :( Not a nice feeling :( Update of this later on :/

Diary:

Today was a good day, tomorrow (24/7/2013), is my uncle Hugh's birthday :) So we all decided to take the dogs up to the Beecraigs Country Park. Which was fun! Got to meet a lot of people and talk to complete randoms all out with their dogs. Lots of Snaps taken. We decided to have a Chinese Take out, which goes against my healthy eating thing my Doctor gave me... But one day can't hurt. It was for an occasion. I made a cake for him.. Just a simple sponge one. Time to start maing happy, good memories and this time leave the past where it belongs. In the PAST! :)